Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

Jess watch the "big hero six" trailer. Then look at the photo of that guy you had sex with at work in the cooler. Then watch the "big hero six" again. YOU FUCKED THE BIG HERO SIX MAIN STAR OF THE MOVIE TRAILER! Just look! They look very similar Jess.

its my favourite coworkers last day and I gotta admit, Im gonna miss this kid. We had some good times tho, and hey, we’ll always have sundays in the cooler. :)


WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

I'm a teenage girl and a virgin. I've never even used a tampon. I don't want vaginal penetration until I'm in a relationship. But lately I've been wondering about fingering a different hole if you know what I mean. I can barely even get the tip of my pointer finger in (probably because I'm nervous). I was just wondering what I could use as lube? Lotion or Vaseline? My mom is strict when it comes to sexual things so there is no way I could go out and buy lube. I really want this though. Any tips?

Well to be quite honest I wouldn’t use lotion, just because its usually scented and can be too abrasive for internal use. If I HAD to choose, I would pick vaseline, since most lubricant is petroleum based anyway and its OK if its internal. 




Education is important.

Do your homework and don’t forget to study.

Friggin YES




Education is important.

Do your homework and don’t forget to study.

Friggin YES

(Source: transexistentialism)

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

This is a gross question but when someone with a penis cums inside someone with a vagina how do you um get it out without making a mess? Thanks mama j luv u!!!

Honestly, I just use my fingers. I’ll take two, insert them in and move them round a bit in a scooping motion a few times. You can do this over the toilet or wipe it in a tissue or sometimes I’ll just put it in my mouth because 1. it wont hurt you and 2. I am a disgusting and lazy human being

you can also use a tissue to lightly absorb up sperm in the vagina. Wrap it around your two fingers and gently insert and swab as described above.

if you are feeling particularity lazy just wipe it with a piece of toilet tissue like you are wiping after peeing. 

You can also leave it there, as the vagina will eventually clean it self out, but I would wear a panty liner for like a day. It comes out looking alot like discharge. 

try not to use water as sperm is thicker than it and it will not dissolve instantly. My suggestion is to do some prelim cleaning and this finish up with warm soap and water. 


try not to get it on clothes because when it dries it hardens and its also a BITCH to wash out. 


Or, as Jess likes to call it, ‘knowing how pregnancy works so that I can avoid the entire process’


Ovulation aka the sweet spot

Ovulation is when one or more eggs are released from one of your ovaries. This happens toward the end of the time you’re fertile between periods. Each month inside your ovaries, a group of eggs starts to grow in small, fluid-filled sacs called follicles. Eventually, one of the eggs matures, decides that it is ready to leave home and focus on it’s art, and erupts from the follicle. That is ovulation. It usually happens about 2 weeks before or after your next period.

  • Each month, between 15 and 20 eggs mature inside your ovaries. The ripest egg is released and swept into one of your fallopian tubes. Your fallopian tubes connect your ovaries to your uterus (or the womb).
  • most of the time ovulation happens from the 11th to the 21st day of the menstrual cycle, counting from the last period
  • most of the time only one egg drops, but sometimes two or more can drop and this will result in fraternal twins. the ovaries really do not give a shit how many eggs they drop. 
  • sometimes you can feel when you are ovulating. For my sister, her hip will hurt. For me, my nipples get tender. For my mom her temperature goes up. 

The Follicle and the Fallopian Tube (a Great Journey!)

After the egg leaves the follicle, the follicle develops into something called the corpus luteum, which releases a hormone that thickens the lining of the uterus, making a nice hospitable chill spot for the egg to wait for the sperm in. The egg will move into the fallopian tube. It stays there for about 24 hours, waiting for a sperm to show up. 

  • All this happens, on average, about 2 weeks after your last period.
  • The fallopian tube is where fertilization occurs. Each ovary is attached to a fallopian tube
  • The journey from the ovary through the fallopian tube and into the uterus takes several days, during which the egg is just chillin
  • during the great fallopian tube journey the uterus is thickening itself with mucus
  • if you are going to get pregnant, it’ll probably be now. This is when the egg is ready and waiting in the fallopian tube for the sperm to come a’knockin
  • As long as a sperm cell is alive in the fallopian tube or uterus, it’s capable of fertilizing an egg. If there’s no egg in the fallopian tube, there’s no chance of fertilization.
  • "The fallopian tubes are about 4 inches (10 centimeters) long and transport the egg from the ovary to the uterus. They also provide sperm that make it that far with nutrients and a safe environment, the same kind the egg enjoys as it passes through. Of the millions of sperm cells that initially enter the cervix, there may be anywhere from one to a couple hundred that arrive at the fallopian tube"
  • once the egg reaches the uterus it has 24 hours to be fertilized or IT WILL DIE 
  • Sperm can stay alive for anywhere between 3-5 days.
  • "To become pregnant naturally, one of your eggs and your partner’s sperm have to meet in your fallopian tube or uterus. Your egg survives no more than 24 hours after you’ve ovulated. So the meeting of egg and sperm has to occur within this time. 
    However, sperm can survive for up to seven days. They’ll happily live in your vagina, uterus or fallopian tubes for this length of time. 
    This means that you don’t have to time sex to the exact moment you ovulate to get pregnant. You actually have a fertile window of about six days. 
    This window includes the five days before and the day of ovulation itself. So, if you have sex at some time during your fertile window, your freshly ovulated egg could meet live, healthy sperm and be fertilised.” [x]
  • Sperm can stay alive for anywhere between 3-7 days.


  1. Ovulation happens, where a mature egg decides its ready to leave the nest
  2. the egg travels down the fallopian tubes headed for the uterus
  3. A penis ejaculates inside (or around on rare occasions) the vagina and travels into the cervix 
  4. the sperm and egg meet inside the fallopian tubes, or, if the sperm is hella late to the party, in the uterus
  5. if no sperm is waiting for the egg in the fallopian tubes or the uterus, the egg dissolves and the period happens
  6. after the period ovulation happens in 2 weeks

If the Egg ISNT Fertilized

If the egg is stood up by the sperm it will leave through the uterus and disintegrate dramatically like a cheesy Korean drama.

  • Your hormone levels go back to normal.
  • Your body sheds the thick lining of the uterus, and your period starts. Thats all that junk filtering out your lady parts.
  • this is why the period typically means that you are not pregnant; the egg has left the building and there is nothing there for the sperm to fertilize
  • Now, there are always exceptions to the rule and lots of women have been able to get pregnant seemingly between ovulation and during their period and this is all very valid BUT most of the time pregnancy will happen during ovulation WHEN THERE IS A SPERM AVAILABLE. 
  • remember also, that the vagina is a pretty hostile environment to sperm. The sperm is treated like an outside contagion and attacked. The vaginal environment is also very acidic and will kill weak sperm. Then the outer shell of the egg is hella rough only the strongest sperm can penetrate it. 

If the egg IS Fertilized

If the sperm does show up it will burrow into the egg, it fertilize it, and the egg will harden which allows no other sperm to get it. The sperm is hella jealous and will allow NO OTHER SPERMS TO FURTHER IN THEIR CONQUEST

  • At the instant of fertilization, the baby’s genes and sex are set.
  • If the sperm has a Y chromosome, your baby will be a boy. If it has an X chromosome, the baby will be a girl.
  • the egg will start to divide rapidly because holy shit IT IS MAKING A TINY HUMAN. The cervix will be sealed up with mucus and will stay like that until the baby decides they are ready. 
  • light bleeding or spotting might happen.
  • hCG is the hormone that pregnancy tests will look for. it is in your blood at the very moment of conception, but it usually it takes 3 to 4 weeks from the first day of your last period for the levels of hCG to be high enough to be found by the tests.


AND THERE YOU HAVE IT. Sperm goes in, either meets and egg immediately or chills out until one shows up. If no sperm shows up, boom period. If no egg shows up the sperm dies. 

So, whenever I get questions that ask me ‘he came on my jeans/underwear and later I touched it with my lady parts AM I PREGNANT’ probably not, although it always helps to check! Pregnancy can happen at the weirdest times (the show ‘i didnt know I was pregnant’ is full of those times) but GENERALLY ejaculation has to occur within the vagina in order for pregnancy to be considered a thing that might happen.

There are always exceptions to the rule however so if you aren’t sure TAKE!!! A!!! PREGNANCY!!! TEST!!!!! They have some for 88 cents at walmart and the highest price for a name brand pregnancy test that Ive ever seen is 20$ If you cannot buy your own planned parenthood is a good place to start by getting a blood or urine pregnancy test (blood tests are 100% sure). And keep taking them. If I am ever unsure I am pregnant I take one test a week for a month (which is why 88 cent tests are great because I STAY taking those things. no shame.)

hope this helped!!

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

hi! I had sex with my boyfriend, and he didnt cum that night. But the next morning we discovered that the condom broke and are freaking out. However I did get my period the next day and I am still on my period. Is there a possibility that I am pregnant?

stress could be causing your period to be late. Chemical imbalances like those caused from stress can often lead your period to be late. hell, it has happened to me a million times. It always seems that when I’m waiting to figure out if I am pregnant or not my period takes the longest. 

However, there are things to consider, like precum being a factor. Even if he did not cum inside you when the condom broke, pre ejaculatory fluid can actually contain a very small amount of sperm. 

Also another thing to consider is that if your period came the day after the sex then it is probably not a good determinate of pregnancy anyway. Why?

  • sperm can stay in the body for up to 5 days so even if your period came the next day the sperm could still be present 
  • fertilization usually only occurs during ovulation (the egg hath been dropped and is ready for a friendly sperm!!), which typically lasts 24 hours but can also last up to 5 days. After that sweet spot your period will begin and the egg will die, along with the thickened, baby ready lining of your vaginal walls. NOW considering that ovulation happens before the period, that may be a factor in your situation
  • the period, at the point of the sex, was already ‘decided’ in a way. The REAL predictor would be if you miss your NEXT period.

now, considering that precum has a small amount of sperm in it, and that you were probably not ovulating during the sex (because your period came the next day) I would say that chances are you are not pregnant. But still, as always, take a pregnancy test. Make sure to take one right away and then another closer to your next period. To be safe I would even take one right after your next period, if it comes. If not, I would go to a doctor or planned parenthood and have a blood pregnancy test immediately. 

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

Hi Jess, I was just wanting to ask you about a situation that is quite extensive and specific, but I ran out of characters in the ask box. Is there another way I could ask you? I would really love some advice about it

submission box or fanmail! (I do have fanmail enabled….right?)

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

Hey, Jess how do you deal with break ups?


I haven’t broken up many times (maybe…5 times total. I’m not one for relationships), but I have discovered that I actually have a formula. 

  1. get everything you need to say out. all of it. every last bit. even if it is embarrassing. idc if its text, call, in person, whatever, SAY IT.
  2. then delete them. from every part of your life. phone. FB. everything. DO THIS. do not fight it. fucking do it. having them remind you of their existence will fucking ruin you. 
  3. then call someone and just fucking BAWL ok. let them come over. let them bring you cheese fries. drink some alcohol. CRY. fall asleep with that person telling you its gonna be OK. do not sleep alone this first night. Sleep at a friends or at least with a friend on the phone. Do. Not. Allow yourself. to be. alone. 
  4. In the morning things will seem less dismal. Make yourself a good breakfast. 
  5. leave town as soon as you can. go somewhere. preferably with friends and preferably the ocean. I recommend the ocean because literally no one can stand and witness the true vastness of the ocean and still think that their problems are the end of the world (if you do, I cannot help you). take pictures. sleep in. eat so much food. talk to people. sleep in the sun. put your feet in the water. find sealife. build a sand castle. Appreciate every salty breath. do not worry about how you look. no makeup. 
  6. come home and unpack, then have a spa day. Spa days are different for everyone, whether that means taking a long bath or getting your nails done or watching makeup tutorials on youtube or shopping; You need to focus on repairing the outside now. polish your armor. 
  7. read a book. not an old one, a new one. just fucking read it. sit down and get lost in it. feel it. be another person for a while. 
  8. write about how you feel at 3 am. write about how you feel at noon. write anytime you feel that itch. post it online. or keep it. just make sure you write it
  9. if you can, you know that band that you’ve been putting off listening to? nows the time. right now. go listen to them. listen to them while you write, while you read, while you’re in the car, during your spa day. do it. over play their songs. associate your ex with that one song. play it until you are sick of hearing it. 
  10. fucking clean your room. Im talking deep clean mother fucker. CLEAN IT FROM TOP TO BOTTOM, SCRUB, DISINFECT, MOVE FURNITURE AROUND. Make it a huge project. do not skip this step.
  11. pick a friend and go to a secluded park at midnight (or a bedroom idk. mine are always in parks and weird ass places) and just…just fucking talk it out. cry. yell, kick scream, get mad. it won’t be like the first time. wait at least a week for this step, preferably 2 weeks. 
  12. slowly return to the world. get involved in an extracurricular, pick up more hours at work, do some extra studying. But BE PRODUCTIVE. its time to come home. 
  13. and before you know it, you WILL be home.

Literally every time I have broken up with someone, this is what I do. Every. Time. I know its a long list, and it may not work for everyone, or be possible for everyone, but this is what I’ve done every time. And so far, nothings broken me. I’ve never looked back and regretted anything. In fact, I’m able to look back on those moments as some of the best in my life and I cherish them, as well as the turmoil that brought them to me. 

If you want to remain in contact with this person, STILL FOLLOW THESE STEPS and when you are done, wait until it feels right to attempt contact. If they shoot you down, thats their one chance. LEAVE. If they decide they want to be friends, go for what feels right to you. 

Do not be afraid to reach out to people. Most times if they see you need help, they will reach back. 

I really hope I helped. Its gonna be OK. Mama J promises. :)

I do not usually post relationship advice (read: never), but I got this question on my personal blog and it really struck a chord with me. I know that sex and relationships often go hand in hand, so I figured maybe some of your could use a step by step guide on how to survive a break up.

This is by no means an end all be all, just the way I got over every single one of my breakups, included my 2 last BIG ones. Hopefully it helps someone out there.

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

My friend has never watched a porno! I joked about buying her one as a Christmas present, but I figured I'd ask you first if you have any good (aka horrible) pornos?

look no further: this is the worst porn you will ever watch. here is the intro.

and here, my friend, is the actual porno