Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

Hi Jess, I was just wanting to ask you about a situation that is quite extensive and specific, but I ran out of characters in the ask box. Is there another way I could ask you? I would really love some advice about it

submission box or fanmail! (I do have fanmail enabled….right?)

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

Hey, Jess how do you deal with break ups?

jessiphia:

I haven’t broken up many times (maybe…5 times total. I’m not one for relationships), but I have discovered that I actually have a formula. 

  1. get everything you need to say out. all of it. every last bit. even if it is embarrassing. idc if its text, call, in person, whatever, SAY IT.
  2. then delete them. from every part of your life. phone. FB. everything. DO THIS. do not fight it. fucking do it. having them remind you of their existence will fucking ruin you. 
  3. then call someone and just fucking BAWL ok. let them come over. let them bring you cheese fries. drink some alcohol. CRY. fall asleep with that person telling you its gonna be OK. do not sleep alone this first night. Sleep at a friends or at least with a friend on the phone. Do. Not. Allow yourself. to be. alone. 
  4. In the morning things will seem less dismal. Make yourself a good breakfast. 
  5. leave town as soon as you can. go somewhere. preferably with friends and preferably the ocean. I recommend the ocean because literally no one can stand and witness the true vastness of the ocean and still think that their problems are the end of the world (if you do, I cannot help you). take pictures. sleep in. eat so much food. talk to people. sleep in the sun. put your feet in the water. find sealife. build a sand castle. Appreciate every salty breath. do not worry about how you look. no makeup. 
  6. come home and unpack, then have a spa day. Spa days are different for everyone, whether that means taking a long bath or getting your nails done or watching makeup tutorials on youtube or shopping; You need to focus on repairing the outside now. polish your armor. 
  7. read a book. not an old one, a new one. just fucking read it. sit down and get lost in it. feel it. be another person for a while. 
  8. write about how you feel at 3 am. write about how you feel at noon. write anytime you feel that itch. post it online. or keep it. just make sure you write it
  9. if you can, you know that band that you’ve been putting off listening to? nows the time. right now. go listen to them. listen to them while you write, while you read, while you’re in the car, during your spa day. do it. over play their songs. associate your ex with that one song. play it until you are sick of hearing it. 
  10. fucking clean your room. Im talking deep clean mother fucker. CLEAN IT FROM TOP TO BOTTOM, SCRUB, DISINFECT, MOVE FURNITURE AROUND. Make it a huge project. do not skip this step.
  11. pick a friend and go to a secluded park at midnight (or a bedroom idk. mine are always in parks and weird ass places) and just…just fucking talk it out. cry. yell, kick scream, get mad. it won’t be like the first time. wait at least a week for this step, preferably 2 weeks. 
  12. slowly return to the world. get involved in an extracurricular, pick up more hours at work, do some extra studying. But BE PRODUCTIVE. its time to come home. 
  13. and before you know it, you WILL be home.

Literally every time I have broken up with someone, this is what I do. Every. Time. I know its a long list, and it may not work for everyone, or be possible for everyone, but this is what I’ve done every time. And so far, nothings broken me. I’ve never looked back and regretted anything. In fact, I’m able to look back on those moments as some of the best in my life and I cherish them, as well as the turmoil that brought them to me. 

If you want to remain in contact with this person, STILL FOLLOW THESE STEPS and when you are done, wait until it feels right to attempt contact. If they shoot you down, thats their one chance. LEAVE. If they decide they want to be friends, go for what feels right to you. 

Do not be afraid to reach out to people. Most times if they see you need help, they will reach back. 

I really hope I helped. Its gonna be OK. Mama J promises. :)

I do not usually post relationship advice (read: never), but I got this question on my personal blog and it really struck a chord with me. I know that sex and relationships often go hand in hand, so I figured maybe some of your could use a step by step guide on how to survive a break up.

This is by no means an end all be all, just the way I got over every single one of my breakups, included my 2 last BIG ones. Hopefully it helps someone out there.

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

My friend has never watched a porno! I joked about buying her one as a Christmas present, but I figured I'd ask you first if you have any good (aka horrible) pornos?

look no further: this is the worst porn you will ever watch. here is the intro.

and here, my friend, is the actual porno

enjoy

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

I'm still a bit confused on what "eating out" means. Care to explain?

eating out a vagina. oral sex, on a vagina. the vaginal blow job. cunnilingus. going down on a girl. muff job. eating pussy. carpet munching. placing you tongue/lips on a girls vagina to pleasurable effect.

BEING EATEN OUT IS THE BEES KNEES 

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

Hey... I feel really invasive asking this, but I'm super curious. So sorry. I remember reading on your sexcapades tag that you were a squirter. I think I may be too, but I'm not sure. How do you tell the difference between that and an orgasm (either vaginal or clitoris)?

Squirts and orgasms are completely different, but squirting usually happens before, during, or after an orgasm. You can have an orgasm without squirting, but its not often you squirt without an orgasm. 

an orgasm is a pleasurable muscle spasm that happens at the peak of sex. 

sometimes, if its intense enough, its accompanied with squirting, which is the emptying of the skenes gland (which is near the gspot and the bladder. the fluid comes out through the urethra) 

and orgasm will feel…like an orgasm. That tensing and then those pleasurable muscle aches and that rolling release. Its hard to describe but when you cum, you know. 

squirting kinda feels like youre peeing. You’ll get that ‘oh I have to pee’ feeling somewhere in or around the orgasm. if you hold it in (most people do) then you wont squirt. If you let it go, wahlah, SQUIRTING.

It adds to the feeling of orgasm. its like, orgasms are great on thier own, but squirting takes them to a whole new level because in order to do it you have to be completely relaxed and this allows the orgasm to rock you even more. 

It sounds ridiculous, but I swear, that is how it feels! 

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

Thank you SO MUCH for making this blog and giving sex advice and all that. It's really helping me not be so afraid of it all anymore :)

YOU ARE SO WELCOME IM GLAD I COULD HELP!

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

ok so sometimes when i masturbate it is like i'm farting but it's like through my vagina and it's just before i peak and what is this like is it weird because it doesn't feel weird

that is what we in the business like to call a queef. Its just air escaping the vagina because of all the attention! When you masturbate (or have sex!) sometimes air gets caught in the vagina and a queef if when its released. So it kinda is like a fart. A vagina fart. 

It shouldn’t hurt at all! Its natural! And, ok, it can be embarrassing but then again so is farting and that’s a natural body function so DONT PANIC. 

Embrace the queef

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

Hey Jess! I like how you add the facts and your personal experience to questions, it makes it feel educated and personal!! :)

Thats why I do it! 

I always hate it when people just give me facts but no personal experience to go with it you know? Like, just giving the facts makes me feel like a doctor is talking to me, but having someone with experience talk to me makes me feel like ‘yeah this happens to people, its not weird at all’ 

so yeah! Im sorry if it annoys some people, but I add my personal experience in so that you guys know that you arent alone!

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

Did you ever think about making a youtune channel where you talk about all the stuff you talk about on your blog? And you can answer questions people have. I think it would be very successful lol :)

Laci Green already has me beat in that arena, and plus I dont have ANY decent video/sound capturing software at all. 

I’ll just stick with writing my advice down. :)

Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

I take birth control at roughly the same time everyday. I take it when I wake up which varies between 7-9am. Does a few hours difference really effect the effectiveness of the pills?

Not really. Clinical studies say that they are MOST effective if taken the same time everyday but their effectiveness only drops off like, maybe half a percentage if the hours between taking them are varied just a little.

if you take your BC at the same general time every day (like within 2-3 hours of the same time everyday) you should be fine.

however if you take it everyday but at crazy times (like one day at 9am, then the next day at 9pm, etc) then that’s when you have a problem. It still works, but not nearly as well. Keep this in mind

When you miss a BC and have to take it kind late (like 12-24 hours later than your usual) its a good idea to keep taking it regularly for about a week before you decide to have unprotected sex. 

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY